How Do You Cope With Life-Changing Crisis?
Tags: Life In General
RODALE NEWS, LENNOX, MA—Much of the advice we share with you on Rodale.com is intended to help you prevent illness. Today, as we continue our exploration of the phenomenon of resilience, we’ll explore how you can embrace the experience of illness—and be transformed by it.
When we face, or someone we love faces, a major illness, it is natural to wonder Why me? But resilient people follow that with another question: What now? They look within for answers to help put their life back together. Certainly, we should do all we can to avoid getting sick, and to protect ourselves from other threats. But when something does go wrong, opening to the possibility of finding meaning in the face of adversity can reward you with a richer, more vital life.
THE DETAILS: Sitting with clients who have endured life-changing illnesses, injuries, and losses, I am moved by how they are able to embrace their experience: a mother who works tirelessly to raise funds for research into a cure for the illness that took her child. A breast cancer survivor who shares her experience with and supports other women who have recently been diagnosed. And then there’s the cancer survivor who tells me he never really lived until he got cancer. His ever-present awareness of his mortality makes each moment of his life precious to him. I deeply appreciate the vibrant soulfulness he brings to each of our meetings.
Steven was one who found meaning in the midst of a health crisis. When I first met him in 1991, he was struggling to come to terms with his son’s admission that he had contracted the HIV virus. Six years earlier, he had struggled to accept that his son was gay and living with another man. But his efforts to come to terms with his son’s sexual identity paled in comparison to what he was facing now. Over the next three years, his son’s health declined and he became housebound. Steven was grateful to the volunteers from the AIDS Outreach Center who brought in meals during the final months of his son’s life. Their compassion and kindness buoyed his son’s spirits. In the year following his son’s death, Steven joined the organization as a volunteer, bringing meals to other men with AIDS. He found satisfaction in helping others, and in giving back to the organization that had given so much to his son.
WHAT IT MEANS: Mind-Body-Mood Advisor: How to Embrace a Crisis and Turn Loss into Gain
In the midst of disaster, look hard enough and find a pathway to a whole new life.
Finding meaning when your world is collapsing may involve dedicating yourself to a cause you believe in, the way Steven did. It may involve a deepening appreciation of the preciousness of life. Meaning may also emerge as a re-ordering of your priorities. Below are some ideas that can help.
•Try asking these questions if you or a loved one has been affected by a health crisis:
How have my priorities changed as a result of my experience?
How do I want to spend my time now?
What do I want to change in my relationships with the people I care about?
Are there ways I can more fully use my strengths and abilities in the service of what is important to me?
•Join a support group. A group of people living through a similar experience can help you explore ways to handle your experience and discover the wisdom you can develop in response to it.
•Don’t wait for a crisis. Reflect on how you want to live your life by thinking about what you would do if you knew you had just one year to live. This is not as morose as it sounds; it’s a powerful exercise that can be quite energizing and inspiring. Take time to write down the things you would do, the conversations you would have, and the person you would want to be. Read it over and ask yourself what steps you can take right now to more fully live the life you envision. By sincerely asking, What now? you can draw on the wisdom within you to create a vital, meaningful future.
Jeffrey Rossman, PhD, is a Rodale.com advisor and director of life management at Canyon Ranch in Lenox, MA. His column, “Mind-Body-Mood Advisor,” appears weekly on Rodale.com.
RODALE NEWS, LENNOX, MA—Much of the advice we share with you on Rodale.com is intended to help you prevent illness. Today, as we continue our exploration of the phenomenon of resilience, we’ll explore how you can embrace the experience of illness—and be transformed by it.
When we face, or someone we love faces, a major illness, it is natural to wonder Why me? But resilient people follow that with another question: What now? They look within for answers to help put their life back together. Certainly, we should do all we can to avoid getting sick, and to protect ourselves from other threats. But when something does go wrong, opening to the possibility of finding meaning in the face of adversity can reward you with a richer, more vital life.
THE DETAILS: Sitting with clients who have endured life-changing illnesses, injuries, and losses, I am moved by how they are able to embrace their experience: a mother who works tirelessly to raise funds for research into a cure for the illness that took her child. A breast cancer survivor who shares her experience with and supports other women who have recently been diagnosed. And then there’s the cancer survivor who tells me he never really lived until he got cancer. His ever-present awareness of his mortality makes each moment of his life precious to him. I deeply appreciate the vibrant soulfulness he brings to each of our meetings.
Steven was one who found meaning in the midst of a health crisis. When I first met him in 1991, he was struggling to come to terms with his son’s admission that he had contracted the HIV virus. Six years earlier, he had struggled to accept that his son was gay and living with another man. But his efforts to come to terms with his son’s sexual identity paled in comparison to what he was facing now. Over the next three years, his son’s health declined and he became housebound. Steven was grateful to the volunteers from the AIDS Outreach Center who brought in meals during the final months of his son’s life. Their compassion and kindness buoyed his son’s spirits. In the year following his son’s death, Steven joined the organization as a volunteer, bringing meals to other men with AIDS. He found satisfaction in helping others, and in giving back to the organization that had given so much to his son.
WHAT IT MEANS: Mind-Body-Mood Advisor: How to Embrace a Crisis and Turn Loss into Gain
In the midst of disaster, look hard enough and find a pathway to a whole new life.
Finding meaning when your world is collapsing may involve dedicating yourself to a cause you believe in, the way Steven did. It may involve a deepening appreciation of the preciousness of life. Meaning may also emerge as a re-ordering of your priorities. Below are some ideas that can help.
•Try asking these questions if you or a loved one has been affected by a health crisis:
How have my priorities changed as a result of my experience?
How do I want to spend my time now?
What do I want to change in my relationships with the people I care about?
Are there ways I can more fully use my strengths and abilities in the service of what is important to me?
•Join a support group. A group of people living through a similar experience can help you explore ways to handle your experience and discover the wisdom you can develop in response to it.
•Don’t wait for a crisis. Reflect on how you want to live your life by thinking about what you would do if you knew you had just one year to live. This is not as morose as it sounds; it’s a powerful exercise that can be quite energizing and inspiring. Take time to write down the things you would do, the conversations you would have, and the person you would want to be. Read it over and ask yourself what steps you can take right now to more fully live the life you envision. By sincerely asking, What now? you can draw on the wisdom within you to create a vital, meaningful future.
Jeffrey Rossman, PhD, is a Rodale.com advisor and director of life management at Canyon Ranch in Lenox, MA. His column, “Mind-Body-Mood Advisor,” appears weekly on Rodale.com.